Dear Diary,
Ok. So there are these furry things that scurry around my backyard and perch on the fence taunting me. My human calls them “squirrels”. I call them: assholes. I can’t stand their beady little eyes and bushy little tails. And they sit there just staring at me. I’m like, “WTF man?!” So I sit perfectly still waiting for one of the little buggers to make his move, then I POUNCE!
My human freaked out & yelled at me to “chill the F*?k out!” I don’t know what this means exactly, but whenever she starts making noises with her deep, loud voice I know that means she doesn’t like what I’m doing. So I went back on the porch to chillax, but how can anyone chillax when those things are out there… in the trees and bushes and stuff? They’re like furry little ninjas or something. It’s freakin’ weird when you think about it.
Lola
